| seems there isn't much I can do anymore with this one... but I keep trying anyway... why... I don't know... I was never one to try before always thinking of myself before others... always thinking, "well their loss" at least in the spectrum of friends... I was never able to think that about Chad or Jeff... I felt sincere loss for them, and now for this person the sincere loss feeling is back... but everything I do I just fucking fuck it up worse... I can't seem to move my mouth and tongue properly anymore... And to think if only I would have finished it all a while ago, when I really wanted to... if only I had just had a little more preserverance and a little less fake jaded hope... the world is an ugly place sometimes, especially when you can't see beyond your own misfiring synapses... Someone I once loved very dearly told me that he loved me too, just on a vague level, he told me that anyone stuck in their head as badly as he was couldn't love too well... I know what he meant now... I kind of did then, but I too was so stuck in my head {and still am} that I just wanted well, I just wanted... everything is always gonna suck... as ridiculous and gen x as that statement is it's just a fact of this millenia... at least for me... I'm not dumb enough to be happy... can I at least be happy about that? I didn't think so... Ha and forever, |
| My Fucking Interests Who I Used To Be Evidence | thanks for stopping - 2005-02-11 everyone is - 2004-04-22 haven't i said this before - 2003-11-04 i remember northern - 2003-09-09 i'm trying to relate to others - 2003-07-07 | Caught up... not caught up in the good way either, like caught up on school work or caught up on mortgage payments... just fucking caught up in everything... so fucking caught up in everything that I can't function... or at least well... I hope you know I am eternally sorry for how I am... for what I am... |