Okay, kind of high still, but not really, unfortunately, my dad is gonna be here soon to pick me up and take me to turn in my apartment application, how fucking exciting right?

I have a lot of work to do for the fuckmeaning site before this internet access is no more... reading and reviewing some diaries in ultra lightning speed.

Am feeling all disgusted with myself even though I was so happy earlier... I'm usually being sarcastic, I don't know how many people actually realize that about me...

I wish I could be me a long time ago and do all this again... like watching a confusing movie for the second time, maybe all the peices would just fall into place... I'd be like, "oh, that's why that happened, and that's why that happened, and that's how it all makes perfect sense... {it was all time travel}" HA HA

What if I could stop laughing at myself long enough to love myself wouldn't the world have to watch out then... everything could be better and maybe will be better if I get this apartment and forget about shit for a while.... I'm so depressed... I wish I could just be happy... I should just forget about living with Phil I know it's going to be a bad idea, he won't pay his rent, his mom will get even sicker of him and we will all be fucked, but he won't be on the lease so Justin and I could always kick him out and both afford the 245 each a month and I wouldn't mind living with Justin, he's so laid back and kind of considerate, he has a mean sense of humour, but so do I and he's funny... and he'll keep a job... for Christ's Sake!!! as if... I need my own place, I can't believe I'm doing this with the roommates and the imminent doom...

why can't it all just work out... fate help me!

Victoria