| I'm putting this up and hoping no one will read it, everyone will give up on me and no one will ever want to know my deepest maddest desires ever again... because why really... I'm just going to sting you and burn you and scathe you... I'm just going to hurt you because the words it takes to smooth things over are just too big for my mouth... so today I'm applying for an apartment in the student ghetto a place I have lived in on and off for years now... I love those streets, the way they make a car shudder, almost as if they weren't truly built for cars... I love the way everything is so dirty there, even the very first snow isn't white there... it's grey and cloudy... I can't wait to lie on my floor and stare up at my ceiling and say ah... Hi honey I'm home... my dad is paying for the first three months rent as well as the security deposit, I need a fucking crutch... I'm such a joke it almost rips me to peices. not outside, not legs and arms and torso peices, but inside, my outside looks fine, it's what you can't see that is truly destroyed... brain cells and blood cells and liver cells and stomach acid... the next time I go for a walk I'm going to pretend you are next to me, keeping my slow pace, talking to me about the future never the past... I want you there and so you will be... end of story... I love you, |
| My Fucking Interests Who I Used To Be Evidence | thanks for stopping - 2005-02-11 everyone is - 2004-04-22 haven't i said this before - 2003-11-04 i remember northern - 2003-09-09 i'm trying to relate to others - 2003-07-07 | Caught up... not caught up in the good way either, like caught up on school work or caught up on mortgage payments... just fucking caught up in everything... so fucking caught up in everything that I can't function... or at least well... I hope you know I am eternally sorry for how I am... for what I am... |