| It's been at least a day since I've written in here, but maybe not... I don't know, been somewhat happily distracted... somewhat unhappily distracted... listening currently to lovage... it's great... thanks aimee... and kazaa... ha... no need to buy records... at least unless they are super important to a collection of one band's records... a respect I lately only hold for Modest Mouse and Eminem... Have yet to see eight mile and it's already been over twenty four hours since it's release for public view... I'm so jealous of Marshall Mathers... I wish someone would appreciate my talents, swoop me up, and give me wads of cash... I actually wish that person would be Marshall Mathers... but I don't think it'll ever happen... I went to a kind of fun party last night... normally I do not ever have a good time anywhere and I had something resembling a good time last night... too bad... I don't know why that's too bad, it just is... I want to go to another party sometime, maybe have a party if I can get a new apartment, but I made a big mistake the other day and there really is nothing I can do about it now, so I just have to wait it out really... I put the job that fired me in september as my current job on my application for this apartment on Dutton Street in the student ghetto... I hate how half and half my life is... I just wish everything could go smoothly and I could just have everything I need... everything I want... I'm so depressed and moneyless, but my friend Ritchie got me a job at J.C. penney... it's first shift, ugh, ha, ugh! but I think I can pull it off as long as I don't drink at night anymore... I was also thinking I could try to get a job driving school buses for Kalamazoo Public Schools... that's a dream job for me really, I don't know why, but it is... I should go and figure out some stuff, and cross my fingers about the apartment, like hope he doesn't call to verify employment, since I told him I'd be looking for another job anyway... I don't think it's gonna work though... I have this overwhelming sense of dread that I totally fucked this up and I don't know even how to begin to explain why I did it in the first place... I should have just been honest... why what's wrong with me... what am I supposed to do now... fuck it, right? I'm such a joke... have I already said that a million times? I think so... I love you all, |
| My Fucking Interests Who I Used To Be Evidence | thanks for stopping - 2005-02-11 everyone is - 2004-04-22 haven't i said this before - 2003-11-04 i remember northern - 2003-09-09 i'm trying to relate to others - 2003-07-07 | Caught up... not caught up in the good way either, like caught up on school work or caught up on mortgage payments... just fucking caught up in everything... so fucking caught up in everything that I can't function... or at least well... I hope you know I am eternally sorry for how I am... for what I am... |